EJECTA is the story of two men who witness an unexplainable event in the atmosphere on the eve of a historic solar storm and must survive a terrifying life form that's hunting them. An anonymous group will stop at nothing to unearth the truth behind what happened that night to the men and prove to the world that we were never alone in the universe.Written by Matt Wiele
Hello…Wanted to do something cooler than 'me' whenI wanted to identify something original...my first pick was 'blah blah' but DRAGON wouldn't do it. 'Hello' will have to do until I can think of something better.
Hello… The female lead in this movie blew me away the way she could go back and forth between her good girl and very girl personalities.
Hello… I will watch Pontypool starring Lisa husband Stephen McHattie
Hello… Just a few things I downloaded starting with one that, forgive me, reminds me of my dear mother.
And my dear sister-in-law also written a birthday please review the different birthday wishes I forwarded to her. Again please forgive me
Even I couldn't grow a Nut sac big enough to send this one to the birthday girl. I decided to her husband as an inside joke.
It's been hot out there so I always take plenty of water on my walks
Of course I'm very happy that his package chili pepper season right now and four $.77 how can get all the green chili peppers you want straight from our sister states in Mexico. Here's a hint, it is the thickest peppers you can because then after you peel them there will be plenty to eat.
And my favorite thing to make from green chili peppers from Hatch New Mexico is pork stew. I made so much pork stew that I had to find alternative ways to feed it to my family. Below is a green chili pork filled burrito with a tasty cheese sauce.
Alternative number two… Green chili pork enchiladas.
I had the chance to make a nice lasagna this week.
I enjoyed all of the different places that my brother and his family took me and my mother to while we were in Austin. Really great food. I wish I would've gotten a picture of the young lady who ran the bakery. Typical Austin hipster. A sleeve tattoo with a 1950s Donna Reed dress.
…In between restaurants we took a walk
Here we have worked with Italians with a cream sauce filled with cheese and poblano peppers
In the park as a huge pond
And every on needs a duck. A duck. Singular. Evidently a herd bills up and are taken away
I enjoyed a craft beer from the thirsty goat brewery.
And it after you have the best pizza in town it is time for the best ice cream in town… Which isn't ice cream it is gelato.
More Hatch peppers I cooked some… Roasted some, with my mother
Nick Estes also so that we can cook it put on top of the Hatch chili peppers when we made Sheila Reno. That is a pepper stuffed with cheese, bread, and fry in oil
Hanging out with royalty…
I and royalty!
One morning we went to breakfast, just the guys.
And you can't make without getting a little flour on your face
They call these hipster hives… For those Austin insects and pests
And these are the cars in a co-op program that people share
Time to take a train trip back to Fort Worth.
Michigan man did not tell me his name but he did tell me that his birthday is on July 8. He lives in a halfway house and works at sonic. And visits his dad and brother in Temple every weekend. God is good.
All aboard
This was by everyday carry self protection in Austin in case I had slit and yet, I could throw it down blame it on the homeless.
The boys were not the only ones glad to see me home
Hello… These are some things I found interesting. I save them for myself and I'll share them here.
Go without a coat when it’s cold; find out what cold is. Go hungry; keep your existence lean. Wear away the fat, get down to the lean tissue and see what it’s all about. The only time you define your character is when you go without. In times of hardship, you find out what you’re made of and what you’re capable of. If you’re never tested, you’ll never define you character.
The Very Mr. Henry Rollins
The Very Mr. Henry Rollins
I’M NOT THAT CLEAN, AND I’LL CALL YOU A LIAR IF YOU EVER TRIED TO EMBARRASS ME WITH THAT INFORMATION."
-
I dunno about you, but I get the idea that most people are scared: keeping their minds one way and their hearts another, hiding away secrets and – worse – being afraid as a result. If you ask me, that’s no way to live. ANd yet, I find myself living that way. As a society we judge, and we fear, and we hate, and we have a hard time understanding the whole of another person (let alone just the parts). And so, here we are.
My friend, YOU’RE POSITIVELY BEAUTIFUL because of who you are (ALL the parts - all the stains, all the glowing brightness - every bit). And that is something that is inexorably, incredibly you.
-
I dunno about you, but I get the idea that most people are scared: keeping their minds one way and their hearts another, hiding away secrets and – worse – being afraid as a result. If you ask me, that’s no way to live. ANd yet, I find myself living that way. As a society we judge, and we fear, and we hate, and we have a hard time understanding the whole of another person (let alone just the parts). And so, here we are.
My friend, YOU’RE POSITIVELY BEAUTIFUL because of who you are (ALL the parts - all the stains, all the glowing brightness - every bit). And that is something that is inexorably, incredibly you.
"YOU ARE A COLLECTIVE OF EVERY EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE HAD IN YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY. SO DROWN YOURSELF IN A SEA OF KNOWLEDGE AND EXISTENCE. LET THE WORDS RUN THROUGH YOUR VEINS AND LET THE COLORS FILL YOUR MIND UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO DO BUT EXPLODE. THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS. INSPIRATION IS EVERYTHING. SIT BACK, RELAX, AND TAKE IT ALL IN.
NOW, GO OUT AND CREATE SOMETHING."
-Jac Vanek
NOW, GO OUT AND CREATE SOMETHING."
-Jac Vanek
Just because we’re in a stressful situation doesn’t mean that we have to get stressed out. You may be in the storm. The key is, don’t let the storm get in you.
Joel Osteen
I do not have to always be right.
I do not have to the “the best” at everything.
I know that I will fail sometimes. I treat failure as an opportunity for learning and growth.
I know that not everyone will like me or approve of me and I am okay with this. I do not live for their approval.
I know that to keep from stagnating I must learn something new every day.
I know that I must strive to be compassionate and kind. I also know I will fail in this at times.
I know that all things pass away. I do not allow this to make me sad. Instead it gives me incentive to appreciate what I have today.
I know that we must give other people the right to disagree with us and even to be wrong.
It is not my job to change others even “for their own good”.
I know that others will disappoint me and so I give up my expectations.
I can love even those who are imperfect for we are all imperfect.
I am improving every single day and each new day is another opportunity.
I know that my happiness does not depend on you or any other external thing.
I forgive not for you but for my own freedom.
I know that life will always contain some pain.
I can love even when I am not loved in return.
I know that right is right even when nobody is watching.
I know that to be true to my word is right.
I know that others do not do anything because of me.
I know that I am not responsible for acts of others good or bad.
I know that giving must be done without expectation of return.
I know that I am never truly alone.
๑ Samsaran ๑
I do not have to the “the best” at everything.
I know that I will fail sometimes. I treat failure as an opportunity for learning and growth.
I know that not everyone will like me or approve of me and I am okay with this. I do not live for their approval.
I know that to keep from stagnating I must learn something new every day.
I know that I must strive to be compassionate and kind. I also know I will fail in this at times.
I know that all things pass away. I do not allow this to make me sad. Instead it gives me incentive to appreciate what I have today.
I know that we must give other people the right to disagree with us and even to be wrong.
It is not my job to change others even “for their own good”.
I know that others will disappoint me and so I give up my expectations.
I can love even those who are imperfect for we are all imperfect.
I am improving every single day and each new day is another opportunity.
I know that my happiness does not depend on you or any other external thing.
I forgive not for you but for my own freedom.
I know that life will always contain some pain.
I can love even when I am not loved in return.
I know that right is right even when nobody is watching.
I know that to be true to my word is right.
I know that others do not do anything because of me.
I know that I am not responsible for acts of others good or bad.
I know that giving must be done without expectation of return.
I know that I am never truly alone.
๑ Samsaran ๑
"The only way you will ever awaken is through silence, not through analyzation of facts. Not by sorting out good and bad, but through simple silence, letting go. Letting go of all thoughts, all the hurts, all the dogmas and concepts."
Robert Adams
Robert Adams
The fool tries to control the mind with the mind - what folly! The wise one delights in Self alone. There is no mind to master.”
Everyone’s always like, “Be your best self!” And that drives me bananas, because when you’re not, it makes you feel really bad. And so someone asked me the other day, “When are you your best self?” and I said, “When I make space for my worst self.” Like if you ask yourself, “How long will it take to do this particular thing?” and you’re freaking out like, “I don’t know! It’s going to take me so long! I don’t know! Ten years?!” Well … what if you give yourself ten years? “Oh. Okay.” And then somehow, the thing you thought would take ten years only takes a week. Give yourself permission to actually let something take as long as it takes.
My standard of perfection often paralyzes me, or makes me terrified, or makes me feel ashamed. Instead, if I can make space for the idea that the goal is not to be perfect, but the goal is to be me, then I get to revel in the mixed bag of what it is to be a human. Some moments are good, some are bad. Some days are good, some days are bad. We live in a culture where people are constantly telling us how to get what we want, and within that message is, You need to be something other than you are. So my antidote to that has been, What if the goal is not to get what I want, but to discover who I am, be who I am, and accept that? Because strangely, that takes courage!
"
Tracee Ellis Ross (via gilbertnorrell)
(Source: arabellesicardi)
My standard of perfection often paralyzes me, or makes me terrified, or makes me feel ashamed. Instead, if I can make space for the idea that the goal is not to be perfect, but the goal is to be me, then I get to revel in the mixed bag of what it is to be a human. Some moments are good, some are bad. Some days are good, some days are bad. We live in a culture where people are constantly telling us how to get what we want, and within that message is, You need to be something other than you are. So my antidote to that has been, What if the goal is not to get what I want, but to discover who I am, be who I am, and accept that? Because strangely, that takes courage!
"
Tracee Ellis Ross (via gilbertnorrell)
(Source: arabellesicardi)
Deep acceptance of this moment is not equal to passivity or world-denial. It is at the source of all creative, intelligent and compassionate action. It is a fearless engagement with life, a YES to the joy and the pain.
Grounded in a deep embrace of whatever arises, no longer at war with ourselves, no longer split, we move as life itself, spontaneous, flowing, free, whole, and radical change happens as if by itself. Deep acceptance of things as they are, and radical change, are not-two, however paradoxical that sounds to the rational mind.
The absolute sings the song of the relative, and they were never divided in the first place."
Jeff FosterDeep acceptance of this moment is not equal to passivity or world-denial. It is at the source of all creative, intelligent and compassionate action. It is a fearless engagement with life, a YES to the joy and the pain.
Grounded in a deep embrace of whatever arises, no longer at war with ourselves, no longer split, we move as life itself, spontaneous, flowing, free, whole, and radical change happens as if by itself. Deep acceptance of things as they are, and radical change, are not-two, however paradoxical that sounds to the rational mind.
The absolute sings the song of the relative, and they were never divided in the first place."
Jeff Foster
Grounded in a deep embrace of whatever arises, no longer at war with ourselves, no longer split, we move as life itself, spontaneous, flowing, free, whole, and radical change happens as if by itself. Deep acceptance of things as they are, and radical change, are not-two, however paradoxical that sounds to the rational mind.
The absolute sings the song of the relative, and they were never divided in the first place."
Jeff FosterDeep acceptance of this moment is not equal to passivity or world-denial. It is at the source of all creative, intelligent and compassionate action. It is a fearless engagement with life, a YES to the joy and the pain.
Grounded in a deep embrace of whatever arises, no longer at war with ourselves, no longer split, we move as life itself, spontaneous, flowing, free, whole, and radical change happens as if by itself. Deep acceptance of things as they are, and radical change, are not-two, however paradoxical that sounds to the rational mind.
The absolute sings the song of the relative, and they were never divided in the first place."
Jeff Foster
I had a question from someone who said there has been a clear seeing that there is no doer and no self, that life and apparent choices are happening by themselves. And then he asks, “How does life balance itself with ambition? Building a very successful career. Goals. Intentionally doing the work and striving.” This person works in a collaborative creative field and says that, on the one hand, he must “be a machine,” and yet “the work must be and is essentially open and egoless if it is to be pure, alive and real.” He says that the understanding of non-doership has greatly helped with not taking everything so personally, and he adds, “but the ambition, passion is to remain very vibrant and alive.” How to balance all that?
It’s so important to remember that these pointers such as “no doer, no author, no self, no choice” are conceptual pointers to a nonconceptual actuality. In other word, they are maps, not the territory (the living reality) itself. When we take these pointers on conceptually and start thinking about them as ideas, sooner or later there is confusion and paradox because no concept can capture or contain or re-present the living reality. So whenever we experience mental confusion, it’s a sign that we’re lost in thought. We’re lost in the map-world trying to figure things out conceptually. We may also notice that such questions are always rooted in the sense of being a separate self—they are always coming from the point of view of “me,” caught in some imaginary dilemma.
I’m not implying that the person asking this question has only an intellectual or conceptual understanding. We can explore these matters directly and see very clearly in one moment, and then be lost in thought and tangled up in concepts again a moment later. It happens to most (if not all) of us from time to time. The habit of imagining ourselves as an encapsulated, separate fragment and then trying to figure all this out by thinking is very strong. And as with any form of addiction, the addictive voice convinces us that “if I just think a little bit more,” “I” will figure this out, and then “I” will be free to relax and stop thinking. So can we be aware of these subtle traps as they arises?
Choice and no-choice are different maps. They both describe a living reality that cannot be captured in any abstract, dualistic concept. Each map is helpful in different ways, and each can be misleading in different ways. Finally, we can’t say there is choice, and we can’t say there is no choice.
But if we’re using the no-choice, no-author, no-doer map, I recommend immediate, direct experience and firsthand investigation. In other words, instead of thinking about it abstractly, look and see. Am I choosing to have this confusion or this question right now? Am I choosing to keep thinking about it or to let it go? How does the letting go happen if it does? Is anyone in control of when it happens? How do ambition and passion and goals happen? Do I choose to be passionate or ambitious, or open and egoless?
When we look closely, we see that it ALL happens by itself. And yet, that doesn’t mean that I just sit passively on the sofa waiting for life to happen, or that if my child is hit by a bus, I just stand there because “there is no one to be hurt and no one to do anything about it.” That would be a misunderstanding of the no-self, no-choice, no-author, no-doer map. It’s the kind of misunderstanding that arises when there is still a subtle sense of “me” in there (me trying not to be me), and then thinking about all of this abstractly and conceptually rather than looking directly.
When we look closely with awareness (or more accurately, when looking closely happens), doing still happens, but no doer is found apart from the doing. There is no “me” who is rushing to my child’s side and calling for an ambulance, no author who is initiating this action, no doer of these deeds. And when I’m planning my next career move, there is no thinker of those thoughts who is doing this planning. The thinker is itself a thought. The planning is simply happening, just as calling an ambulance is happening. Thought is always after the fact. It is never the operative factor that it claims to be. It claims to be “me,” the thinker, the author, the decider, the chooser, the actor, the doer, the controller, the operator. But look closely, and it is clear that thought happens by itself—it pops up unbidden, seemingly out of nowhere. Thinking happens. Planning happens. Indecision happens. Choosing happens. Action happens. And thought says, “I did it,” or “I must decide,” or “I decided,” or “I have to figure out how to balance choicelessness with ambition.” These thoughts are conditioned arisings that pop up spontaneously before or after the action they describe, and they create (in imagination only) the mirage of this phantom “me” who is supposedly in control and doing all of this through free will. But that’s not our actual experience if we pay very careful attention.
Even what appear to be self-chosen, intentional actions such as positive thinking, loving-kindness meditations, visualizations, making an effort, self-discipline and so on, are happening as an activity of the whole universe. From where did the urge and the interest and the intention to think positively come? Is anyone in control of whether positive thinking happens or not in any given moment? It SEEMS that “I” am in control, that “I” am choosing to think positively, so this takes a careful, subtle attention to really see this—and this is one area where meditation and meditative inquiry can be very helpful.
But when we THINK about all of this instead of looking directly as it happens, then it seems to become more confusing—but always only if we think about it. How can I balance the open, egoless, spontaneity needed for my creative work with the goal-oriented ambition, hard work and self-promotion that is part of getting the jobs? How can I work hard and be passionate if there’s no me to do that? If I have goals and plans, does that mean I’ve failed as a spontaneously-arising, non-authoring, non-doer, no-self? Can we see that these are mental dilemmas that only exist in thought? Ambition happens, intention arises, setting goals happens, self-promotion happens, working hard happens. The interest in non-doership happens. ALL of this happens by itself. There is no central agent (no me, no God) doing any of it. And yet, in another sense, there is Only Me, Only God—and I AM doing absolutely ALL of it. But this “I” is not the imaginary separate self (the thoughts that pretend to be in control). This “I” is the Totality, Consciousness, the life force, universal energy, the One without a second, the Self with a capital “S”. There is nothing else here.
The separate self is always an illusion. It is never really here. It is simply a bunch of thoughts, stories and sensations—a contacted energy—a mirage-like, hypnotic thought-sense of being separate and encapsulated—a particular dance that the Totality is doing from time to time. But it is ALL the One Self, the undivided wholeness of being, showing up as multiplicity and apparent separation and as the idea that “I” (the illusory separate self) must manage my life, get somewhere, be a success, achieve something, do the right thing, be a winner, cross the finish line, be approved of by the people who matter, etc. And then there is a new layer of that same dance, the spiritual story or the nondual story that “I” (the separate self) must get rid of myself, that “I” must get beyond this experience of being “me,” that “I” must refrain from making choices or having preferences or having goals or trying to get somewhere, because all of that is somehow holding “me” back from enlightenment. And then, the thinking mind wonders, “But if I don’t do anything, how will I get the job I want?” Round and round we go on the hamster wheel trying to figure that out.
But is the dilemma really there to begin with? Or is the whole conundrum an imaginary problem?
Realizing that everything is a choiceless happening is very freeing, and that choiceless happening includes the sense of having to make choices and the process of apparently making decisions and the meditative work of questioning our thoughts and seeing the nature of reality and learning how the mind tricks us—it’s ALL part of this choiceless happening. The delusion is that “I” (the separate self) am doing ANY of it. In the absence of that thought-sense of separation, planning still happens, but we no longer take it personally if the plan doesn’t work out. We know we’re not in control. We don’t feel devastated or ashamed or outraged if our goals are unmet or if “we” sometimes fail to act in the ways we think we should. It doesn’t even bother us anymore if the contracted sense of being “me” shows up from time to time—if we get defensive or hurt or frustrated. There’s no added story that this is a personal failure or a sure sign that “I” am not enlightened yet. We realize that it is ALL part of the dance. Even disappointment or feelings of separation or devastation (if they happen) are part of the dance as well. NONE of it is personal. It doesn’t mean anything about “me,” because there is no me—there never has been.
Now let’s be clear, this doesn’t mean that there isn’t a functional sense of identity as a particular bodymind. I know I’m Joan in the movie of waking life. I don’t mistake myself for someone else or for a chair. And it also doesn’t mean there isn’t a personality. Like all human beings, Joan has a certain unique flavor, certain qualities and characteristics—and those don’t dissolve into the ethers. These characteristics and tendencies are realized to be more protean and less set in stone than might have been previously thought, but they still show up. They are conditioned patterns. Joan is a fluid but patterned movement, like a whirlpool or a wave—ungraspable but nevertheless undeniable. The whirlpool or the wave is not a problem. As Thich Nhat Hanh so beautifully said, “A wave does not have to stop being a wave in order to be water.” The functional sense of identity is not a problem. The conventional (relative) reality of the bodymind and the person is not a problem. Going through the process of apparently making choices and decisions and setting goals and making plans is not a problem.
The suffering comes from that illusory sense that “I” am separate and in control, that what happens “to me” is personal (self-caused and full of meaning about “me”). Suffering is believing that I need to achieve my goal in order to be happy, that my happiness depends on a particular outcome, or that if I don’t get the job or the award, then I’m a worthless failure who has ruined my life. Suffering is imagining that this bodymind and this “me” have an absolute, fixed, persisting, independent, inherent reality—like a frozen wave broken off from the ocean—and that “I” (the phantom author/controller) am steering “myself” (this separate, frozen wave) through life. That is the illusion, that is the source of suffering. In reality, waving is simply something the whole ocean is doing, just as me-ing or Joan-ing or people-ing or thinking or planning or meditating or calling an ambulance or pursuing a job is something that Consciousness or undivided being is doing.
In his book The Way of Powerlessness, Advaita teacher Wayne Liquorman notes that when the false sense of individual authorship dissolves, when we recognize our personal powerlessness, suddenly a new kind of power flows in, an impersonal power. As Wayne puts it: “Once we know ourselves to be Ocean in the form of wave, we become free to be ourselves in a way we never dreamed possible. It is as if we had spent our life driving with the emergency brake on and suddenly it is off.”
So being awake isn’t about some kind of lifeless passivity or not having any passion or any feelings anymore, or being unable to function in the everyday world, or turning into some bland non-person with no personality and no preferences, or being totally perfect and cleansed of all human imperfection. Quite the opposite. It is about being fully alive. To cite another of my favorite gems from Wayne Liquorman: "As you walk the spiritual path, it widens, not narrows, until one day it broadens to a point where there is no path left at all." EVERYTHING is included! Everything is the Holy Reality.
It’s so important to remember that these pointers such as “no doer, no author, no self, no choice” are conceptual pointers to a nonconceptual actuality. In other word, they are maps, not the territory (the living reality) itself. When we take these pointers on conceptually and start thinking about them as ideas, sooner or later there is confusion and paradox because no concept can capture or contain or re-present the living reality. So whenever we experience mental confusion, it’s a sign that we’re lost in thought. We’re lost in the map-world trying to figure things out conceptually. We may also notice that such questions are always rooted in the sense of being a separate self—they are always coming from the point of view of “me,” caught in some imaginary dilemma.
I’m not implying that the person asking this question has only an intellectual or conceptual understanding. We can explore these matters directly and see very clearly in one moment, and then be lost in thought and tangled up in concepts again a moment later. It happens to most (if not all) of us from time to time. The habit of imagining ourselves as an encapsulated, separate fragment and then trying to figure all this out by thinking is very strong. And as with any form of addiction, the addictive voice convinces us that “if I just think a little bit more,” “I” will figure this out, and then “I” will be free to relax and stop thinking. So can we be aware of these subtle traps as they arises?
Choice and no-choice are different maps. They both describe a living reality that cannot be captured in any abstract, dualistic concept. Each map is helpful in different ways, and each can be misleading in different ways. Finally, we can’t say there is choice, and we can’t say there is no choice.
But if we’re using the no-choice, no-author, no-doer map, I recommend immediate, direct experience and firsthand investigation. In other words, instead of thinking about it abstractly, look and see. Am I choosing to have this confusion or this question right now? Am I choosing to keep thinking about it or to let it go? How does the letting go happen if it does? Is anyone in control of when it happens? How do ambition and passion and goals happen? Do I choose to be passionate or ambitious, or open and egoless?
When we look closely, we see that it ALL happens by itself. And yet, that doesn’t mean that I just sit passively on the sofa waiting for life to happen, or that if my child is hit by a bus, I just stand there because “there is no one to be hurt and no one to do anything about it.” That would be a misunderstanding of the no-self, no-choice, no-author, no-doer map. It’s the kind of misunderstanding that arises when there is still a subtle sense of “me” in there (me trying not to be me), and then thinking about all of this abstractly and conceptually rather than looking directly.
When we look closely with awareness (or more accurately, when looking closely happens), doing still happens, but no doer is found apart from the doing. There is no “me” who is rushing to my child’s side and calling for an ambulance, no author who is initiating this action, no doer of these deeds. And when I’m planning my next career move, there is no thinker of those thoughts who is doing this planning. The thinker is itself a thought. The planning is simply happening, just as calling an ambulance is happening. Thought is always after the fact. It is never the operative factor that it claims to be. It claims to be “me,” the thinker, the author, the decider, the chooser, the actor, the doer, the controller, the operator. But look closely, and it is clear that thought happens by itself—it pops up unbidden, seemingly out of nowhere. Thinking happens. Planning happens. Indecision happens. Choosing happens. Action happens. And thought says, “I did it,” or “I must decide,” or “I decided,” or “I have to figure out how to balance choicelessness with ambition.” These thoughts are conditioned arisings that pop up spontaneously before or after the action they describe, and they create (in imagination only) the mirage of this phantom “me” who is supposedly in control and doing all of this through free will. But that’s not our actual experience if we pay very careful attention.
Even what appear to be self-chosen, intentional actions such as positive thinking, loving-kindness meditations, visualizations, making an effort, self-discipline and so on, are happening as an activity of the whole universe. From where did the urge and the interest and the intention to think positively come? Is anyone in control of whether positive thinking happens or not in any given moment? It SEEMS that “I” am in control, that “I” am choosing to think positively, so this takes a careful, subtle attention to really see this—and this is one area where meditation and meditative inquiry can be very helpful.
But when we THINK about all of this instead of looking directly as it happens, then it seems to become more confusing—but always only if we think about it. How can I balance the open, egoless, spontaneity needed for my creative work with the goal-oriented ambition, hard work and self-promotion that is part of getting the jobs? How can I work hard and be passionate if there’s no me to do that? If I have goals and plans, does that mean I’ve failed as a spontaneously-arising, non-authoring, non-doer, no-self? Can we see that these are mental dilemmas that only exist in thought? Ambition happens, intention arises, setting goals happens, self-promotion happens, working hard happens. The interest in non-doership happens. ALL of this happens by itself. There is no central agent (no me, no God) doing any of it. And yet, in another sense, there is Only Me, Only God—and I AM doing absolutely ALL of it. But this “I” is not the imaginary separate self (the thoughts that pretend to be in control). This “I” is the Totality, Consciousness, the life force, universal energy, the One without a second, the Self with a capital “S”. There is nothing else here.
The separate self is always an illusion. It is never really here. It is simply a bunch of thoughts, stories and sensations—a contacted energy—a mirage-like, hypnotic thought-sense of being separate and encapsulated—a particular dance that the Totality is doing from time to time. But it is ALL the One Self, the undivided wholeness of being, showing up as multiplicity and apparent separation and as the idea that “I” (the illusory separate self) must manage my life, get somewhere, be a success, achieve something, do the right thing, be a winner, cross the finish line, be approved of by the people who matter, etc. And then there is a new layer of that same dance, the spiritual story or the nondual story that “I” (the separate self) must get rid of myself, that “I” must get beyond this experience of being “me,” that “I” must refrain from making choices or having preferences or having goals or trying to get somewhere, because all of that is somehow holding “me” back from enlightenment. And then, the thinking mind wonders, “But if I don’t do anything, how will I get the job I want?” Round and round we go on the hamster wheel trying to figure that out.
But is the dilemma really there to begin with? Or is the whole conundrum an imaginary problem?
Realizing that everything is a choiceless happening is very freeing, and that choiceless happening includes the sense of having to make choices and the process of apparently making decisions and the meditative work of questioning our thoughts and seeing the nature of reality and learning how the mind tricks us—it’s ALL part of this choiceless happening. The delusion is that “I” (the separate self) am doing ANY of it. In the absence of that thought-sense of separation, planning still happens, but we no longer take it personally if the plan doesn’t work out. We know we’re not in control. We don’t feel devastated or ashamed or outraged if our goals are unmet or if “we” sometimes fail to act in the ways we think we should. It doesn’t even bother us anymore if the contracted sense of being “me” shows up from time to time—if we get defensive or hurt or frustrated. There’s no added story that this is a personal failure or a sure sign that “I” am not enlightened yet. We realize that it is ALL part of the dance. Even disappointment or feelings of separation or devastation (if they happen) are part of the dance as well. NONE of it is personal. It doesn’t mean anything about “me,” because there is no me—there never has been.
Now let’s be clear, this doesn’t mean that there isn’t a functional sense of identity as a particular bodymind. I know I’m Joan in the movie of waking life. I don’t mistake myself for someone else or for a chair. And it also doesn’t mean there isn’t a personality. Like all human beings, Joan has a certain unique flavor, certain qualities and characteristics—and those don’t dissolve into the ethers. These characteristics and tendencies are realized to be more protean and less set in stone than might have been previously thought, but they still show up. They are conditioned patterns. Joan is a fluid but patterned movement, like a whirlpool or a wave—ungraspable but nevertheless undeniable. The whirlpool or the wave is not a problem. As Thich Nhat Hanh so beautifully said, “A wave does not have to stop being a wave in order to be water.” The functional sense of identity is not a problem. The conventional (relative) reality of the bodymind and the person is not a problem. Going through the process of apparently making choices and decisions and setting goals and making plans is not a problem.
The suffering comes from that illusory sense that “I” am separate and in control, that what happens “to me” is personal (self-caused and full of meaning about “me”). Suffering is believing that I need to achieve my goal in order to be happy, that my happiness depends on a particular outcome, or that if I don’t get the job or the award, then I’m a worthless failure who has ruined my life. Suffering is imagining that this bodymind and this “me” have an absolute, fixed, persisting, independent, inherent reality—like a frozen wave broken off from the ocean—and that “I” (the phantom author/controller) am steering “myself” (this separate, frozen wave) through life. That is the illusion, that is the source of suffering. In reality, waving is simply something the whole ocean is doing, just as me-ing or Joan-ing or people-ing or thinking or planning or meditating or calling an ambulance or pursuing a job is something that Consciousness or undivided being is doing.
In his book The Way of Powerlessness, Advaita teacher Wayne Liquorman notes that when the false sense of individual authorship dissolves, when we recognize our personal powerlessness, suddenly a new kind of power flows in, an impersonal power. As Wayne puts it: “Once we know ourselves to be Ocean in the form of wave, we become free to be ourselves in a way we never dreamed possible. It is as if we had spent our life driving with the emergency brake on and suddenly it is off.”
So being awake isn’t about some kind of lifeless passivity or not having any passion or any feelings anymore, or being unable to function in the everyday world, or turning into some bland non-person with no personality and no preferences, or being totally perfect and cleansed of all human imperfection. Quite the opposite. It is about being fully alive. To cite another of my favorite gems from Wayne Liquorman: "As you walk the spiritual path, it widens, not narrows, until one day it broadens to a point where there is no path left at all." EVERYTHING is included! Everything is the Holy Reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment