Brick (2005)

http://www.imdb.com
The lonely teenager Brendan finds his former girlfriend Emily dead in the entrance of a tunnel of sewage and recalls her phone call two days ago, when she said to him that she was in trouble. Brendan, who still loved Emily, met bad elements of his high-school trying to contact her, and when he succeeded, she told him that she was OK. He hides her body in the tunnel and decides to investigate the meaning and connection of four words, including "brick" and "pin", that Emily told him to find who killed her. Using the support of his nerd friend Brain, he successively meets the small time drug dealers Kara, Dode, Brad Bramish, Laura and Tugger, to reach the teenager powerful drug dealer The Pin. Slowly, Brendan unravels the motives why Emily was killed and plots a revenge.

131223

6:45a

Another Monday morning. I am more ready for this one than usual because I a. knew it was coming and  b. had a great weekend of art. I still like my original word 'arting' but it doesn’t ...it fucks with the editing  and dictation software so if I go with 'arting' as my cut way of saying what I do, I will have to go in and use the seek/replace feature and put it in last minute.

That is not why I opened this entry; I started writing with the intent of describing my morning.

Head woke me up at four for reasons that will remain personal...oops, the cats out of the bag.

From four o'clock on, I dozed. Watched a couple of Jennibellie videos. I did take the opportunity to turn on the heater in the bathroom. The weather is turning cold Rainy and cold on Saturday. Just cold/chilly on Sunday. I know because I go out and walked both days.  I finally fell back asleep, not that it mattered. I find it just as restful to lie still under the covers and let my imagination wonder around in my big ol' empty head. I heard the alarm go   off at six I had to reset my alarm and it was a major decision to move my wake up time from fife forty five to six. It did its job. I came awake and made my way down to put on the coffee... Head doesn't like making coffee on the weekends but I make myself a single pour over with her in mind. I get up so much earlier than her on the weekends that I don't want make her eat old, scalded coffee. You’re welcome.

I always share half of the pot of water to fill the dog’s dish. Today, since I did not make coffee over the weekend, the dish was empty! I let them have the entire carafe and refilled mine again to make coffee. I noticed the trash was all tied up. Full and tied up but not taken out. And there was a single sleeve of instant oatmeal on the counter, empty. I pulled a grocery bag from the big bag we collect them in on the back of the kitchen door and hung it on the cupboard. I put my coffee grounds in the grocery bag.

Nature called but I won’t' tell you what she said.

When the coffee was ready, I decided to go a la natural. No creamer. No vanilla caramel. No coconut cream. No peppermint mocha. Just black coffee. I have to be sure and keep my back to the window because I didn’t bring my robe on the return trip and I do not want a public nudity on my record. I heard that as long as you do not make lewd gestures, you can be seen naked through the window. I play it safe and keep my back to the window, just in case... I microwave my mug to lava hot. When I pull out my mug I can smell the oatmeal Mor must have made as a late night snack. I shuffle back upstairs with the mug and dog. Holly has to be loved on first thing in the morning. I say loved on to anthropomorphize the situation Actually, she wants to be scratched. I could be replaced by Benadryl. But, I play along and coo while I scratch her back. Hey, who doesn’t like their back scratched?

I stack my four pillows against the wall and pull the covers over me. I lay the tablet on my left, after covering Pinto with his top blanket. He repays me with a lick on the ear. You naughty boy! He must have learned that from Head! I lay my big black clipboard across my lap and open it to get the keyboard out. I lean the mug against my let. I have my personal blanket on top of the comforter, just in case there are any spills. That is where I am now. Keeping one hand always on the keyboard so I can quickly find my place when I take one hand off to sip the coffee. Sipping at first while it is molten and gulping it as it cools. I will not drink luke warm coffee. The coffee gives me a warm feeling inside.

And it melts my pudding.

This week I am trying to make more general interest comments. Last week, I found there wasn't much left after editing to put on the 'Land of Life' blog. Just not that much I am not sure how to do much better. But, being conscious should lead me there. Conscious of the fact that I need to write more interesting things.

6:34a

Short break...

I really enjoyed my day yesterday. I did my art, as mentioned, and my chores, as promised. company is descending so our home becomes bleach scented. Head worked hard. Head worked Wheat hard. Head worked hard to get Mor to work. . I figure the best thing I can do to help is not have to be dragged along. My chores were organizing the garage. Check on Saturday. And, turning The Tower into a suitable guest room. Check on Sunday. I hated to put my art supplies away. part of the art process is spreading out. All the works in progress in their various stages of creation. I want to expand on that more sometime. I start by moving everything out of the room, clearing the floor. Organizing the surfaces as I dust them. And I gust the window sills and the tips of the tallest bookshelf. This doesn't happen very often so it is my version of spring cleaning. I stage the things that don't belong near the door to take them elsewhere. I sweep every nook and cranny. Then I mop every cranny and nook. Once that dries, I rearrange the bedroom and clean the areas that are exposed by the shuffle. voilà. A small, but cozy and clean guest bedroom. God help those who stay in Deans room and God bless Dean for having to sleep on Moe's couch That couches has been covered in clothes and godknoweswhat for a year.

I see I have eight minutes, not enough time to go into my epiphany about all things art so I'll use the time to describe how the rest of my Sunday went. After the chores. I almost didn't go to the grocery. I thought I'd do myself the favor, reward myself for a job well done and just stay home. I had chicken legs to grill and Holly would appreciate having her stick thrown over and over. But...but...I couldn't kid myself. I wouldn't have any more energy after work on Monday, would I? And I wanted to walk anyway, so, I walked to the store. For the second day in a row, I walked from my house to the grocery. It was colder than the day before. I pulled my hoodie up over my ears and wore the thin gloves I found in the pockets. Before going into the grocery, I made a stop at the five and dime to see if they had a glue gun. Head couldn't find one around the house and she had a craft project she had to finish to give as a Xmas gift. Nope. the clerk said they should, people ask for them often enough, but they don't carry them. I made the loop around the cash register to get from the entrance to the exit and bee lined it to the grocery. Happy to see the Salvation Army wasn’t encamped at the entrance. They annoy me. I grabbed my cart, a big one, not a small one. Knowing I had a list to fill. Even though the menu was simple, it still requited ingredients. And I had a prime rib to buy. My first! I was fairly disappointed at the little four pounder all alone in the bin. I put three T-bones with it and was just about to make do when the butcher came up and I asked him if he had any more and he said maybe just one, the shipment was coming in on Monday. then he came back with H Her. I fell in love. Eleven pounds of prime flesh. I thought about the hundred and ten dollar down to seventy dollar price and danced around trying to decide if I should have him cut it down. But in the end, I couldn't do that to Her. She would be my date for the holidays. Come on, Gorgeous. You’re coming home with me! So I got her some premium horseradish to put behind her ears and some baked potatoes and made my way to the checkout. I couldn’t' pass up the Blue Belle Ice cream, on special for half price, so I got two. Peppermint and vanilla. Vanilla for Wheat, Peppermint for Me and Mor.

I'm out of time. Off to SS and S.

Remind me to talk about art, in case I forget.

8:55p

Hey, saying Hi from a new spot. From the leather chair in our room.  I'm losing The Tower. Granny and Pa didn't make it today. Pa had to see a Dr about his sinus infection. They are traveling in the morning. They will be here by noon. I will be close behind. We are going in early, leaving early. By early, two o’clock is the target. I like my little corner of Our Room. I have the TV, which has a chrome cast. I can sync the TV to my tablet and use it as a monitor. I wonder if I can use the phone too? Worth finding out....

Yes. Mor says 'Yes'. All you need is the chromecast app.

So, I'll get to that later. In the mood to write. Mor is writing. It is a healthy thing to do. I highly encourage it for everyone, not just my progeny.

I am rocking it like a boss. The TV is doing its thing. It is showing beautiful backgrounds and the time, waiting for me to tell it what to do with either...

I need to cut it short. Wheat wants some company in his room watching a scary movie. An interest we share. Laters.

10:12p

I watched Children of the Corn 3, up until the wife was murdered. A pipe through the head. Now I'm in Our bed. Pinto has chosen to come to bed now. Head is downstairs. This is unusual.

I have the Avett Bros playing.

Time to write myself to sleep.

Poor Wheat. He is sick too. Probably allergies. Kicked off by raking leaves most likely. He suffered all day at work. He would have come home early if they would have let him. They were shorthanded so he was pressured to stay and wheat, well, he wouldn't walk away.

Dinner was Head's favorite. Beef stroganoff. I had some button mushrooms to add to the mix of ground beef, sour cream, butter, onion, and cream of mushroom soup. We ate it over brown rice with frozen corn on the side. After watching Children of the Corn, I regret the choice of vegetable.

I drank a glass of wine with dinner and brought another with me. I finished drinking it during the movie. I didn't want the ice to go to waste so I ...so I made me a glass of ice water. Used the tap water over ice to wash down a couple of grams of niacin and two aspirin. Here comes the flush. The Doc said it should help boost my good cholesterol, that's the HDL, I believer.

Alejandra Escaveda has replaces the Avett brothers. I had to skip Avenge Sevenfold. I need to delete them form the music library all together. Too harsh. Too metal.

I wonder if now is a good time to go into the epiphany I had about art?

It's much too late to fake it, sings Alajandro.

Good advice.

I want to do the subject justice so I will save it for another time.

Natalie Merchant is singing...Ten Thousand Maniacs went on without her. She went on without them.

I read that on Wiki.

Is Pinto a great little guy or what? Or what I couldn’t' say.

My sweat pants are draped over the back of the leather chair. Waiting for me to put them back on in the morning. I need to get in early. Yes sir. Get in early to leave early to celebrate the eve of our Savior’s birth. To celebrate family. To eat well.

WTF...the ol' tablet is losing power. I can reach the plug easily enough. I keep it draped in the drawer beside the bed. Handy as can be. Things you use should be handy. Yes, sir. Right were you need them.

Now the Artic Monkeys. Those Brits rock. Like a boss.

I can't say that in front of Mor.

I have a post it note on my chest. Came out of my pocket from work. Notes from the day.

The Jordon v. Jordon Gatorade commercial. I remembered that without the note. My assistant suggested I look it up. It was classic. Jor...Michael Jordon playing himself.

Doomsday Books is a Japanese trilogy on Netflix that Brittany suggested. She is a free spirit, with the voice of a fifteen year old, and that is being generous. She works part time at the lab. Poor thing, just got T-bone, totaled her car. She is back with just scrapes and bruises.  I like her because she knew about Amanda Palmer and the Anastasia boys. She goes to comicon dressed as Spock and is dating a young man that is a doppelganger for Leonard on Third Rock from the Sun.

@* Special, bringing that southern roc....

I find myself in need of a lozenger...lozenger? Cough drop!

My blood pressure medication mentions a dry cough as a potential side effect. I haven’t' been smoking. But who isn't coughing? <aube O jave am a;;ergu ,use;f. Tjeu cam start at amu to,e. upi lmpw

Ha ha, I had my fingers on the wrong keys. That's funny. Fate. It's fate. I'm not going to take it out.

Poor Sheryl is suffering Aunt Flo. She is an awful guest.

SailorStar..I haven't listened too them very much.

put some boxes up in the attic. All Heads stuff. Well, stuff H is in charge of. Old bills and paperwork. Also her Higschool annuals. They should go on a shelf somewhere. I wanted the space in the garage. Room to work out. I have a hundred fence boards to move somewhere. Cover them with a tarp and put them outside I could almost pull a car in with them out of the way. Be nice when the snow comes back. A dry car not encased in ice.

AC/DC...Bon Scot. the early days.

Nice getting to ramble. It is soothing, believe it or not.

Wheat just stopped by to let me know how the movie ended. Joshua had to kill Eli because Eli turned into some kind of corn monster. I'm just glad my boy wants to talk to me. doesn’t matter what he wants to talk about.

With that, I'll end for the day. Hide under the covers until I fall asleep. then dream about my voyage into deep space on this big old space ship. enduring the long journey by going into hyper sleep mode. I have to think of a better name for it. I'll look up some sci-fi sites on the net and get back to you.

You are getting sleepy. Very sleepy....

131224

6:22a

Christmas Eve morning. Trying to be at work ay seven thirty. If I shifted my regular schedule, I would need to be in the shower by I would need to SS and S by six thirty, not going to happen

The ship has been brought to life, Captain.

I looked up the proper term for hyper sleep, and its ...hyper sleep. That is how space men travel great distances in suspended animation in special sleeping chambers designed by Japanese hotel builders. I brought my body back to life. Metamucil, meds, vitamins and precious water. Let the dogs out, then in, handed out treats, then let them back out and eventually. Back in.

Ohh, and if they freeze you in the hyper sleep chamber, it's a cryochamber, but everybody knows that.

I made a pour over this morning. Head needs to sleep in and she can enjoy fresh coffee when she wakes up. tablet is beside me here in bed, casing an eerie light across the covers. Pinto is under his neon green fleece blanket and on top of his wooly leopard print blanket. He is like a parrot He falls asleep as soon as you throw a blanket over him If you don’t do it for him. he roots around trying to cover himself. I like hiding under the covers, only I don’t like my head covered...and I like to hang one leg out to regulate the temperature.

Vivid dreams.

Sitting around waiting to eat with Katy and Keila.

Minding a little brown boy at this meal. We all were sad because of some girl who was sick.

I rode a bike from place to place, never begin at the right place at the right time.

come on, Freud, what does ti mean? Besides that I want my mother to suck me off?

So, did you know there was a hidden side to the internet? You get to it through TOR. Only it is a self-actualized place. I mean, people go there because they heard that there is a place off, rather under the real internet. complete anonymity. and what do people do with this freedom? Deal drugs and show pics of naked children. I guess it isn't so much about freedom. Heroic and altruistic acts can be performed in plain sight. It's not against the law and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Nasty, illegal acts need the cover of darkness. Like punching in the dark. So, I don't have much use for it. I am sorry for the people who get sucked into it. We have seen through Wheat how you can get sucked into dysfunctional on=line relationships.

But then, Jennifer has a new beau. He flew in and is staying at the house with them. Met over the web. Head was appalled. Mor argued that she needed to catch up. I think they were arguing different points. He thought she was arguing about meeting people period. She was arguing about letting people you don't know stay in your house. They could put rat poison in your oatmeal or throw acid on your face. Or, fuck your cherub faced daughter.

My mug is empty. One less excuse to be sitting here under the covers.

I did turn the heater on in the bath when I went for my thick, warm robe. I throw the hood over me like some Monk.

Well, early to rise, early to home, time to celebrate with presents and food. Tonight, Peruvian Chicken. Mmmmm. I better put on the black beans.

3:50p

Took me a while to unwind form work. They are some dysfunctional ...I'm home now. It's over for a while.

Besides, I’m an internalizer. I can avoid problems easier than I can negotiate a resolution.

What is it with everybody; they have to lie on the couch with a room full of people...always with your shoes on. I would never do that in anyone’s house. Well, that is why we keep blankets on the couch. fucking animals, two and four legs.

I have written for a while but somehow I had a popup open and it didn't register.

We are getting the food ready. Head is making Spanish rice. Mor butterflied his chicken and made his cilantro sauce.

Enough. I'll catch up later.

8:01p

after the stockings have all been opened.

The little girls are going to sleep. Maybe we can play a board game. I got snacks, electric toothbrush and some real vanilla. No more of the dollar a gallon stuff.

I bought me some squirrel and robot embellishments for my journals. One squirrel is stuck on my keyboard. A flying squirrel. A red flying squirrel.

Protect your nuts!

Head is cleaning the kitchen.

Granny and Mor are talking about the problems with public education.

Rod and Rhonda are putting the girls to bed.

Pa is putting Pa to bed.

Here's rod.

t brought us a diaper.

Nasty.

10:32p

Played Tokaido. I was a solid last place. Rod rode beginner's luck to the finish line. Just kidding. It was fun. Snacked on caramel corn and wine cooler. I am in Our room, set up in the leather recliner. All the gifts are wrapped. Cookies are out for Santa. the fireplace was emptied to give him easy access.

Pa has been in his room watching TV all night. Not much of a socializer, unless you’re a reformed alcoholic. Granny is getting sicker. She thought she was over her cold but it doesn't sound like it

I have the prime rib setting out. Critical that it be at room temperature when I cook it. I am so excited. Just the meat, a potato. Salad. Let the food speak for itself.

Mor's chicken went over well. He made his cilantro sauce too thin, too much olive oil. We ate the roasted and fried chicken. It was great. Easy to put out. Mor cooked, I didn't do much at all. I'll earn my keep with the prime rib and breakfast. Biscuits and sausage gravy.

I am perplexed; I can't get these cordless headphones to work with this TB. It would be great to watch TV without a cork. But it isn't that big of a deal, not really.

I would rather watch TV/video in bed anyway. Hiding under the covers.

finally de-stressing. Tomorrow will be a blast. I might get a present or two I actually like. That would be beside the point. It will not make or break the day, really it won’t. I'm more about the food but then, you knew that.

So relaxed. Let this moment last forever.

Holly has joined me, her new big bed moved up here. The fan is loud, drowning out all the other sounds of the house.

fuck white noise machines; buy a cheap, loud fan. I love those cyclone mothers that are really loud Like a plane taking off.

I'm afraid with all the cussing there isn't much of this that will go up on the public blog. fuck it. Fuck it and punch it in the cunt. I don't care.

I found some compositions I had stashed in this cubby hole. I found like two I haven't used and all and one that doesn't have much in it.

Books. Granny brought me real books. The last novel by Tony Hillerman. Published posthumously. And the cookbook from the internet sensation Prari...pioneer Woman. and a McCall's magazine. I'll read all of those.

there went the Pabst. Time to work on the liter of cold water I brought up with me I have all night to finish it off.

Like a hand in a velvet glove, it seemed like a touch...a touch too much. - Bonn Scott. Only the best die young.

...and thicker skin.

Mom is getting sentimental in her old age. She was in tears today, telling how the priest at the retreat Pa goes to in New Mexico called to ask if they could use Pa's sleeping bag, he leaves one there to use when he goes up once or twice a year. there are quite a few, he goes with quite a few men. The priest was asking because he was losing a man a night to the cold. Pa said to take all the bags, and go get more and he'd round up the money. She was so emotional about it. I think she is seeing a lot of homeless in Austin. their church does quite a bit, being downtown, Where there are so many homeless. They fed about seven hundred fifty on Thanksgiving. How do you remain compassionate and not feel either guilty or biter?

I think you feel everything, al the emotions, sooner or later the longer you work with the less fortunate. Like grieving. You go through all the stages.

But it would be enough if we each made someone feel loved.

I like shuffling through the songs on the tablet. So far, the only band I want to delete is Avenge Sevenfold, as I mentioned.

I think I’ll brush my teeth and move this circus under the covers.

131226

6:55a

The day after Christmas, a Thursday.

The folks are still in town, not leaving until tomorrow. Pa already misses his girls. Relationships are so much about timing. Our boys came at a time when Pa was busy doing other things and they were at an age where they did not need so much attention so things were the way things were. The girls are totally reliant on others and the folks are there and available. It works. Same could be said for Pa's relationship with Rod. Rod came at a time when Pa was ready to nurture. Hence, the strong bond.

Well, I wrote very little yesterday but what I did type was lost. No idea why.  tat happened. I did hand write some at the end of the day. I had the composition out doodling and used one of the pens to write some thoughts.

I did not have a very good day yesterday, even worse of a day the day before. I worked it out so no need to revisit it.

My need is to get in the right frame of mind. I waited out my negative emotions and this morning my mind is trying to build a plan to be happy. This morning I woke on my own, just before the alarm went off. So I was awake and ready to mediate. Then I made coffee and started watching Gretchen Rubin videos on YouTube. She writes about ways to live a happier live. Everything from making your bed, exercising, to spraying perfume if it makes you happy. She is a lawyer who took a different route. She runs a home and is really involved in children's literature. I had seen articles she had written for some of the women's magazines, so I recognized her when I came across her on YT.

Today she gave me some interesting information. That we only have so much self-control. And the more we use, the less we have so we cannot lead that perfectly controlled life. We need to pick and choose the things we focus our self-discipline towards. There are ways to improve self-discipline, by increasing energy and organizing your space. Those energize us and give us an extra measure of self-control. So, I am going to look at how I'm spending my self-control and make sure I am applying it to the most important things. Right now, it is about living a peaceful day. I am creating stress in the workplace and it is not healthy. I try and blame it on others that they are creating the stress but in the end, it's me. I need to calm down, let it go, move on, whatever it takes to have a peaceful, productive day at my work.

I owe it to my boss, to my coworkers, and myself. And my family. Because I bring that shit home and it stinks up the place like a shitty diaper.

This holiday has upset all our routines. The girls were not themselves because they were not at home. Granny and Pa miss their routine. I can see that everyone in this house is not doing what they usually do. And there will be another disruption next week, as we go to Unky Mike's to celebrate the New Year with the Lorenc's. I am not going to make any resolutions about how to act while I'm there. I am saving my self-control for the important things. 4a

took a text from a coworker. She is taking a personal day. That will go over like a turd in a punchbowl but I understand where she is coming from. I don’t think she is under any great external pressure but she is under a lot of pressure at work. She is assuming a position that demands more and more of her and she is being challenged to keep up. Work wants the most; it's efficient and prudent business.

My mind wants to make up reasons, reasons why she is reacting reasons why the job is the way it is. Well, to be honest, I don’t know. I don't even know the way I see the situation is the way it is. And if I do have some insight, that it is shared, I can almost guarantee you everyone will see it different. I'm trying a new mantra: That’s on way to look at it.

I am going to try and hand on a little longer before going to the bathroom. when I go I want to be ready to SSS and S. I wish I'd turned on that heater. Comfortable shoes and all that....

Yesterday, I sat opening gifts so uncomfortable. packing pudding until I had to excuse myself. The good thing was the stage was set so it only took me a moment to get er' done. Whew! it was as if a great weight was lifted...from my ass!

I guess I could go on now, so I will have more time to piddle down in the kitchen before going to work. I bet on of the folks will be down to keep me company. 

131227

6:36a

ay morning.

down in the living room. A foreign place for me to be for my morning wake up time. I have brought Gretchen Rubin with me by way of YouTube. She lectured me on creating a shrine in my home. One for hobbies. One for family. It has me thinking about putting my pictures, the pictures I haven’t' hung yet, in the hall to share. Or would I enjoy them more in the Tower/Guest Room? I will have to think about that. My shrine in The Tower would be to art. I need to have my stuff spread out and accessible and projects laying out in active ...in various stages of activity.

I am down in the living room for two reasons. To be with the folks if they get up to visit. Last chance before they leave. And Head is very sick. She has a stuffy head cold that I went to bed saying was an allergy. Well, probably not. She worked up at the stroke of midnight and shit herself. I say this not elucidate a giggle but to show how suddenly it hilt her. She had to take a shower and throw away her clothes. Fortunately Morgan was up and helped her. And me? I didn't even know it happened until she told me this morning. I asked her how she was feeing and she dropped this bomb. She is way sick. I sat a bottle of water beside her and came down here.

And listened to Gretchen talk about shrines.

Last night the house was empty for the most part. Pas was a t a meeting. The Boys and Granny went to get the square butt at the movies. A three hour long Hobbit sequel. Barf.

I watched a horror movie and scribbled. Visited with Pa when he got back and went back to watching horror movies only this time I wrote in the composition. You will find dome journaling there but I eventually wrote some fiction aka nonsense. I'm thinking about helping the structure my writing by doing some writing exercises. I am not even sure what kinds of exercises there are. Do you just get a topic and write about it? Let's see if there is something on YouTube...

7:04a

My YT surfing took me to someone I do not recognize talking about writing. The channel was Big Think, I subscribed. Who doesn't want to think big? I ended with a powerful talk by Henry Rollins. A common guy, as you find out, who sang rock music and evolved into a writer and actor. He doesn't make it seem like the fantasy journey most people set off on when they want to be a writer or an actor, or both. He evolved into the artist by way of hard work and focus. Tenacity not talent, as he puts it. There is a lot to be said for how he sees his struggle, his journey. He is blunt about how life in America today, in this day and age, can chew you up. It will put you in a cheap apartment and suck the life out of you. Very slowly. He sees th ereason as the big disparity of the way money flows. It goes in big chunks. This kills anyhope fo a middle class. Success is a lottery. A get rich quick quick game. No in between. No hope of having a comfortable, happy, secure existence. Everyone gave that away for a lottery ticket. I can make it bit, or fall on my face. But you have no choice but to buy the lottery ticket. Like the poor who spent a dollar they don’t have on a lottery ticket, a real lottery ticket. That is the only hope they have of getting out of the situation they are in. What an awful place to find yourself. So I am thinking about my future and I want to set out on my own and I am not doing it to win the lottery. I am out to find the middle class that was lost to my generation.

And most importantly, I am thriving, not just surviving. I want to taste life. I don't want to be hungry for it. I don't want to be numbed by the richness of it. I want a simple nourishing life.

I love that metaphor. I'll have to come back to it. that might be my next writing exercise.

7:19a

I gave my mug a charge. Just a little more coffee, a little more coconut creamer, and a lot of heat. Lava hot.

And I stirred the pot of beans I've been working on for Granny and Pa. Pa loves beans. Proof: he'll eat them cold out of the refrigerator. And Granny has a dinner and beans will go perfectly wither king ranch casserole.

It has me putting my thoughts about life and beans together. I want my life to be a pot of beans. Cheap. Easy. And delicious. i do not want to surf and turf life. I'm afraid of having an empty pot. I have never known anyone on subsistence government support. If my maternal grandparents were...lived that way, which I think they might have, I never noticed them suffering. They never thrived.

I don't know. I don't know. I dot' know.

but I want to know.

I want to figure this out or know more than I do. I'll keep thinking. I'll look for information from YouTube and books. I might even learn something from the people around me. I am not going to go so far as to say I’m going to figure out the meaning of life, but I'm going to link about it an awful lot Maybe that is what I can turn these pages into. A roadmap of my journey. Realize, no person will take the same path. too many roads. Everyone is starting from and going to different places.

I have to give Henry Rollins due, hard work is required. Tenacity is the pixie dust of life. You can't fail if you are trying. It's the trying that matters. There is just too much luck involved as to whether or not you success. That is not the proof of success. It's how you work on your life. No how you work at work. You can kill yourself in harness and all your get is a shallow grave. No, work for yourself even when your working a job. Get the job done efficiently then use every minute to learn more. To suck the job dry before it sucks you dry. So go to work energetic and be successful in your bosses eyes but make sure you know the true mission is to steal as much experience and knowledge as you can while they put pennies in your pocket. And learn to work hard, diligently, and effectively so you can continue to...so you'll be th best possible employee when you work for the biggest asshole boss ever, yourself.

Oh Lord, hear my prayer. May God's glorious will be done!

God want's better for you than you want for yourself. he want' a warrior, a wise man, a genius. Don’t get in His way.

Do Your best. You’re the benefactor of your efforts. You’re taking these experiences forward. Forward. Ever forward.