131216
7:00a
Monday morning
Getting ready for work. I say
that not as an offhand comment. I am really concentrating on getting ready to
go to work. I have performed my meditation. Thirty something minutes of
relaxation and affirmations that have noticeably reduced my stress level. It
has help to put me in a very mindful state of mind. Redundant? I've nourished
my body with medicine, supplements, water, and delish coffee. My mind has been fed information about Healthy
Aging in a book compiled by the experts at Johns Hopkins.
I see the work awakening with
me. Holly is wollering on the floor... Head turns and farts every now and then.
Cars blink through the shadow of the curtains on the balcony doors.
I think that my time writing is
just as important as any of the other habits i encourage. As I've said, it
calms my mind. It gives me a place to empty my head, organize those random
thoughts, and think things through.
I spent quite a bit of time
blogging this weekend. I didn’t get to scribble very much. I would download one
of these journals and edit it to a point to where it was somewhat readable.
Then I would download pictures from the camera, my phone, and my tablet. Then I
would put a post-up on my anonymous site. Then I would edit it down and post it
on my public site. I made at least one post on my food and art sites. That was
the process. I hope to be better organized this week and do a week and weekend
journal. That would be two posts. And then I can carry on, posting a week
behind. Anything that doesn't get posted doesn't. I do not want to make myself
a slave to this. Rather. I want to make the medium comfortable and so
integrated that I can use it for more and more projects.
It's Monday and I have several
things I am very aware of. Things I am not getting done. I am not making the
progress on the projects I have at work. And all ready this week looks full. I
have not made a step towards initiating the new business. And, I have not
planted one seed. The bet I have managed was to water the plants. Poor performance.
Now on the upside. I have
exercised. I have cooked and eaten well. I am proud that we were able to come
together as a family and play Tokaido. I am happy about the family interaction.
I am starting to realize how socialization is essential and requires constant
vigilance. I hope to build on that this week.
So I do have a couple of
'plates spinnin' but there is ....there are more plates to be put up.
Xmas is two weeks away. If I
don't want to find myself shopping at the last minute, I had better get out
there and soon. The gifts are necessary but per functionary. I am not out to
change anybody's life with the 'perfect' gift. As I get older, the food is more
important. I plan on making the food one of my gifts to the group.
The sun has brightened and I
must make a move....
As in a make a Movement...I
regret not turning on the heater in the bathroom. A cold seat is a woman's
curse, not a man's.
I am jumping back under the
covers and letting ye old skunk works heat up...
31217
7.53a
Tuesday Morning seven o'clock.
It wasn't while I was texting in sick, I got a call. Someone had come in early
and did not know the new code. So, neither do I. And while I have you on the
line, I won't be in today. Feel horrible.
Obviously I am not going to put
this on the public site. I need a day to shop. We got paid yesterday and I
don't have any gifts bought. I have been participating in the gift selection.
Besides putting things on my wish list on Amazon, I culled the items off my
list to the cart that I have selected for other people. Mostly knives. The
Swedish King, Mohr, and the tactical choice, Meyerco. And Pa likes my razor
knife, so I had to find him one. It is the eleventh hour so I will need to
enlist Mor's help in getting the benefits of his Amazon Prime account.
H wants perfume, Versace
Versace bright crystal perfume, to be exact. I had to look at the text she sent
me twice to make sure I got it right. I will go on line in a minute and see if
I can find it and get it here in time. If not, it's off to the real stores to
see if I can find it. Or if I have to settle for Ralph Lauren, the classic she
always appreciates.
Yesterday was a fairly
productive day at work. Got paid. Took Jeremy a jar of white chili and a round
of cheesy jalapeno cornbread. Serrano peppers actually. I also made him and
Wheat bean and egg tacos for breakfast. I took steel oats for break. Not taco.
I also made myself a great sandwich out of a piece of chicken and a half an
avocado with the Asian slaw from the fish tacos we had the other night. It was
excellent on nutty flax and wheat bread. Only, the avocado should of been
green, not the chicken.
I had to set up so bacteria
plates so I got home in the dark. Didn't get a chance to walk and too lazy to
ride the bike. So I started doing my part for dinner. Making the red sauce to
go with Mor's sausage and peppers. I made the salad. Dean didn’t eat; he had a
sadness bowl at work. What is a sadness bowl? He makes it for himself at work:
Cajun rice, red beans, chicken tenders, and lots of Louisiana hot sauce. He was
smart enough to know he was full and didn't need to put a full meal on top of
that. Wheat and I Id play Careers. Head wanted to watch the Voice. Mor and I
watched basketball before I came up to play the board game with Wheat. We
played three rounds. Then I came to bed, fund a new book to start, and read
myself to sleep. I found a modern writer, a woman, who does classic noir
fiction, like Thompson. The bigges...Her biggest hit is 'Queenpin', her third
attempt.
H is petting P. Ho is grunting
and wollering. I have a mug beside me.
I had gotten up earlier,
thinking it was...
My pudding will not wait...
8.48a
Shopping. Done.
Two bottles of
perfume...delivered!
H is reading an article I sent
about 'non jobs' and how working for yourself is a no-brainer. I’ve mentioned
it. She is interested in it, so I have to wait to show her what I would like to
buy for gifts. I am going to try and sell her on an expensive gift for rod, but
I doubt it will fly....
10:34a
Didn't even ask about upping
Rod's gift. I looked on his wish list and he had selected a brand of knife I
wanted for myself so you know my philosophy, if it's good enough for me it's
too good for you.
Knifes are a great gift for
guys. Rod gets one, pa gets one, I always get rob one, wheat is buying Eddie
one and I am buying Danny one. And my personal gift to my boys will be...a
knife. Head wants me to order one for myself. There u go. I can order extra of
one or two of the knifes.
I had to call back in to work
about not coming in. It put me on edge.
Expected the person I told to pass on the word.
The net went down so I took the
opportunity to make breakfast. French toast, sausage, and eggs on toast.
Mmmmmm.
About to jump in the shower. I
have been going without deodorant and paid the price. Stunk up the bed last night. I mi GH t not
need deodorant every day but I need deodorant sometimes.
Time to go Xmas shopping!!!!!
5:06p
Tuesday evening
Home form shopping. It is work.
Make no mistake about it. We are all in the living room debating whether or not
we could give someone a shot. A news story about flu vaccinations.
Wheat is washing his clothes to
go in tomorrow. He was called in today. To help a newby cover the register. He
is dependable. That is saying a lot. It says a lot about who Wheat is.
Mor is making a tofu
cheesecake. It is a classic case of transference. He needs to work on the pool.
The weather is great so he is missing an excellent opportunity to clean the
pool and rake the leaves. It will be cold on Fri. But he is making a
cheesecake. It is like the college student who cleans the house rather than
study. Transference.
But, I have much to say about
me, one of my favorite subjects. I went to two places. Target and Dollar
General. I bought stocking stuffers for all and gifts for Head. She is my
responsibility. Everyone else is who responsibility. I sat down with Mor and
ordered the items I and her....me and her agreed on.
My final stop was the grocery
store. I bought one gift there. For Holly. A big bed. Nice and soft and clean
and new. One boy needs to go bring the
bed in and the other needs to bring in the dog food.
I need to get motivated and
make dinner. Spring rolls, asparagus was on sale, and pork stir fry. At our
house, pork stir fry means pineapple and cashews. Tonight it is with snow peas
and shitake mushrooms. That is dinner. How lucky are we to get all that?
Big news, everyone is buying
lottery tickets. Poor tax = lottery!
I have had my first
screwdriver. Mmmmm. It went down a little too smoothly. Maybe one more than i
switch to bear...
Shit, national news starts with
the lottery. Shit, what have we come too?
What profession is a black neck
beard most likely to have?
Announcer for fighting games?
No, rapping. MFDoom, Killer
Mic, and the Woo Tan Clan are the original nerds.
They like Kung u movies and
chess.
As soon as Mor gets out of the
kitchen, I will be on...
We started the search for a
spring form pan. I had just bought a silicon one, with a glass bottom. Found
everything but the glass bottom. After we couldn't find it, I figured it out;
it was on the cake server. Oh yeh.
But get this, we found a set of
three metal spring forms in the cabinets with the appliances.
Dean is conversing with Mor on
WoW strategies...
Time for that second
screwdriver.
9:25p
I have been by myself for half
an hour or so. Before that, Wheat and I read the first chapter of a new book.
'Timebound' by Rysa Walker. It was a special on Amazon, came to me by email
with one suggestion, one special per genre. Thriller. Romance. This was the one
for Young Adult. I liked the reviews so I clicked on the icon, entered my
information, and let Amazon charge me two bucks for the book. I downloaded it
on my kindle, once I found my kindle. It was handy, on my bedside table, in its
case. I have a case for it and the nook. Both I took from the office of our
salesperson when he left the job. He picked them up as gifts at trade shows.
Both perfect for the task. Only I keep the tablet out and the keyboard and
composition in the clipboard with the compartment to hold everything. It is my
portable desk. I am writing on it now. The keyboard, which I absolutely love,
on the black plastic, oversized clipboard and the tablet beside me so I can
glance over and make sure all things are working.
I am trying to use the
composition as much as possible. For fiction, doodles. It is important to keep
the physical activities of reading and writing along with the technology. I
hope to keep both. The ink and the bit. One should not replace or exist without
the other. They go hand in hand.
I sat down with Mor. Ate my
bowl of stir fry. Then we ate Mor's tofu cheesecake. Dean came down to get me
when he took a break for his desert. Then Wheat and I came to our room, Head's
and mine, to read. He read. I read. He read again until I dozed off. Then, to
stay awake, I finished the chapter.
Then he left and I wrote a few
pages in the composition. I had gotten it out to doodle, to keep from fall
asleep, while he read. When he left, it was handy. So, I wrote a few pages.
Just some day to day about The Nice Lady. Then I sketched some...and looked back
through the composition. I was finishing a composition a week...no, one a
month. I really like the ones that are half blank, half rule led. I now have
half a dozen compete and another half a dozen that need to be finished. And by
finished I mean have all the pages filled. I do not want to make my own
journals, not like Jennie Bellie. They look rough and they do not appease my
need for uniformity. I like that they all look the same. Before the
compositions I used spirals. Again, to be uniform and because I'm cheap.
I am starting to sketch on
printer paper. It feeds through the scanner easily. I can get the art up on the
computer very, very easily.
But I still see the need to
keep the compositions going. I picked up stocking stuffers for myself today,
doing Head the favor, and most of what I picked out for myself was
embellishments. A stamp and some little stickers. Nothing fancy. And some
erasers. I go through a lot of erasers and world hate to run out. I found great
sale on some at Target so I picked up two packages of two. I like to sketch
with the pencil and then go over it with pen. I need the erasers to clean up
the graphite.
Mor didn’t eat. Last night it
was Wheat and tonight it was Mor. couldn’t' be the can of turkey chili he ate
when he woke up at two in the afternoon. He had to work late, may be until two
or three in the morning. He just wasn’t ready to eat. I bet he has a bowl of
stir fry later tonight. He ate a bagel instead. With peanut butter. I put some
cream cheese to go with the beagles. They were my indulgence at the store. I
justified them because they were half price, two bucks rather than four, and
they had three grams of fiber each. And they were really good, soft and fresh
covered with poppy and sesame seeds. No one will get their ears chewed for
under eating around here. Under eating isn't our problem.
On the subject, Mom called to
see if I had a menu in mind for the holiday. Morgan’s Chilean Chicken, or is it
Peruvian? Anyway, the way he cooks it with all the cumin and the green cilantro
sauce to go with. Some tamale if we can get them. Punch. Queso. Munchies of
every imaginable sort. We will visit and play games. Eventually going to bed.
Waking up for more food, this time my biscuits with sausage gravy, and gifts.
Santa for the girls. We will exchange with each other. Then hand out. Dinner
will be hearty but simple, steak and baked potatoes. Yams. Salad. Green beans
because Mor, Mom and I love them. With tomatoes, Bill Miller style. I have a
boxed key lime pie or...if I get ramekins, lava cakes. Desert of the gods. More
games. Maybe a movie. Rand R+2 leave the
day after. I go to work. Granny and the boys are going to see the Hobbit. Three
hours long. I think the folks go back the next day, on Friday. I’m taking off
for New Year’s. I didn't think about Xmas dayI don't mind workign. I say that
and today I called in sick. I guess I should have taken some time off. They
will be easy days. I would think. But drama has its own...drama has a mind of
its own.
Enough about what might happen.
Back to what happened.
Although, having said that, I
think I may have caught myself up. I will read now, maybe watch some TV. I have
a couple of books boing myself. One I started last night, the hard boiled
fiction, girl style. And another I'm reading off the phone, about aliens and
the government agency tasked to fight them.
131218
7:25a
Wednesday morning
Poop...let the nook run down.
Couldn't write until just now. Left with only a few minutes.
I used the time to meditate. To
read. To watch a video on beginning yoga. I read the johns Hopkins by OK on
healthy aging. The first chapter on exercise has forced me to realize I have
lapsed into a sedentary lifestyle. Thirty minutes every day, jogging and
weights as much as possible. I need the get the garage set up. It is so
cluttered none of us are going out there to use the bike or weights. The boys
have been tasked to get the pool and leaves; I have tasked myself to get the
garage organized. Put everything away. Take long-term storage to the attic.
Right now I have to get ready
to go to work.
8:29p
The evening is winding down.
Watching XFactor. The finalists, x3.
Mor is playing games, I sat
with him. Listened to his take on some of the new games, some of the old games.
No bball. The Spurs v. Suns late. Wheat is having great success on WoW some
folks are giving him things he needs to level up. He is so motivated, he wants
to keep playing. No reading tonight.
I don't mind. I have a vicious
headache. I didn't take caffeine to work and I paid the price. It still hurt.
Even after a tall boy PBR and strong vodka and seven. Don’t get me wrong. I am
not hurting by any means. Wasn't excited about dinner so I had refries and
tortillas. Guess what, Wheat had the same thing. Great minds... Head liked the
roasted asparagus. She likes it when her piss reeks. She is sick!
I have a liter of water to
down. Not too fast or I just piss it out. I like to drink it all through the
night finish the last of it early in the morning. After I hear Alex and Sierra
sing, for the third tie tonight, I’m under the covers. Helllllo tablet! I've
mentioned how it makes me feel like a kid under the covers. It also makes me
think of hiding out in a tree house. Being self-contained, all alone.
Time for A&S...their hit of
the series...'Say Something I'm give up on you" I liked this on The Voice,
when Cristina Agularia and that Nerd sang it.
10:26p
I'm comfortably lost. Just
finished a movie by that title. A young man goes to Cambodia. Finds it much
more enlightening than he imagined. No, he went to be inspired but he thought
the inspiration would come from the ancient temples. He found connection to the
common people. A touching story.
I watched the movie and
sketched in the composition. I am alone in our bedroom. It is peaceful. Very,
very peaceful. So peaceful, I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to maintain
this feeling all night. I won't but t I'd like to. I tried to write my feelings
down in the composition. I wrote with feeling but I didn't do the moment
justice. It’s hard to find the right words at the right item. It’s a chance
encounter, between one's emotions and intellect.
I heard the front door open.
Was it Mor going into work? Probable. None of us go out much. I'm a home body.
Happy Gilmore asked 'Don't you like your home?'. I think he was talking to a
golf ball but the saying makes sense in the current context.
I don’t have to go to the
deposition tomorrow... Oh well, most cases do end up getting settled. How
....Now I'll go in and try and get some things off my list. My perpetual list.
Head is o teh couch, Pinto
beside her. She is singing along to Christian music. She loves spiritual music.
Dean is on the other side of the wall from her, in the office. Also listening
to music, playing video games. And Mor is in the dungeon, with Holly, headphones
on playing a game I couldn't master, ever. It is hard enough to pull the focus
out of him. He'll play again after work. Raid the kitchen. Sleep until after
noon. That is how he gets himself comfortably lost. They each are lost, not in
a bad way. Lost unto themselves. Envy them. They are at peace. I'm using the
word a lot tonight.
I have books to read, videos to
watch. And a book on tape to keep me company in the wee hours of the morning.
Life is only hard if you make
it that way. There is something to be said for just letting it unfold how it
will. At least you don’t get your feelings hurt like you would if you were
emotionally vested in the outcome. When you want it a certain way, the is only
one way that might, and I mean might, make you happy. Think about it. If you
don’t care one way or the other, then one way is as good as the other. And with
less pressure, it certainly has to be easier to maintain the mellow.
Where’s that book?
The same place the video is the
same place I'm writing, on the tablet.
7:xx a
131219
Not much time this Thursday
morning. I slept. Actually, the dogs got me up just before the alarm went off.
So I queued up some Zen music and meditated myself to sleep. Meditating in the
morning works because when I'm rested, I don't fall asleep. Conversely, when I
am not rested, i fall back asleep.
Caffeine time! I do not want to
suffer as I did yesterday. I have a habit to support.
I lay awake, for the time I was
awake, thinking about nothing nothing best I could. Just trying to be that observer.
Moderate success. That is what I liked about the movie, Comfortably Lost, was
that the young man was forced to sit and think, ultimately thinking turned to
observing, and that is when the inspiration kicked in.
Lordy, my typing is atrocious.
I hope it will all come out in editing but it is like incurring a debt that
must be paid. Why worry now, right? Look back at my stuff, typed or written, it
doesn’t matter. And you will see lots and an infinity's worth of grammatical
and spelling errors.
Last night it occurred to me. I
was thinking about this very thing. How
much editing debt I owed.
Ohh, muther fucker, I forgot to
turn on the heater in the bathroom. I will pay dearly for that.
Editing debt. But I could see
how my process that included the anonymous and public blogging is a great form
of editing. I get the piece somewhat readable. That's good enough for the
anonymous blog. I read through for clarity and to insert relevant pictures. I
cut out anything that may be offensive to John or too personal. Then I take
only the best parts and the pictures I know fit and make a final post for the
public blog. Voilà. Bob's your uncle. Tied with a ribbon.
Head is silent beside e me.
Reading on her phone. I never see her using her tablet. My phone is my last
resort. To each his own. Pretty in pink. Bob’s your uncle.
The coffee is strong but made
tolerable by the creamer I added. I wanted the first cup out and knowing it
would be strong, added something to make it more palatable. It is going down
like a wave of lava but it seems to be hitting a bowling ball perched at the
bottom of my intestines, patiently waiting to be set free. Weill, let my
pudding free!
Free the pudding.
Free the pudding.
What do we want?
Free pudding!
When do we want it?
Now!
131220
6:26a
I am extremely angry. A night
of solitude hasn’t calmed me one bit. Well, I’m sorry. I am not a professional
dog scratcher. My only solitude is the League of Gentlemen. This quirky British
comedy and drawing trees has been my therapy. And meditating. I never could
make the most of the solitude. Too many thought, angry thoughts, to pass into
being the observer.
It was right when I go home. I
came home upset about being on the bubble every day at work after six years. It
is just almost more than I can bear. There is no sense of job security or job
satisfaction. It is wearing me thin. Whether or not I meant to, I upset Head
asking about her progress earning a dollar. She is willing to sell a house. Nothing
on the horizon, but she will sell any house that presents itself.
I feel for Dean. He wanted to
spend time. Even nipped up to take a quick shower after having worked on the
leaves in the yard. Before he could lather rinse repeat Head and I had drifted
apart and there wasn’t anything that would get me in that car to go pick up the
Pizza. Mama’s pizza. My favorite. My choice for a birthday meal, if that tells
you how much I like it. But it wasn’t in the cards. I dismissed myself and went
up to read. Mor came up to eat but alas, I didn’t go down to visit. He
obviously likes his own company better so there you go.
Am I coming across as bitter?
I warned all that I am
extremely angry this morning. What has life come too? I’m thinking of going in
early. Nothing here. My meditation brought me to this, was last night wasted or
is every night wasted? Morose? Okay. I’ll concede that. But you have to wonder.
How much of self-delusion creates our world? Is it okay just as long as you see
it with rose colored glasses?
Not looking forward to today.
Time for a shower and the doors will be open at work. In I go.
6:40p
Home...just want to record a
very simple recipe that caught my eye, Ice cream bread
2 c ice cream
1.5 c self-rising flour
Mix
Bake 45 min at 350 deg F
I will catch u up later...
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