Killer Joe (2011)

Finding himself in considerable debt, Chris a Texan drug dealer, decides the only solution is to murder his mother to collect the insurance money. Getting together with his father, the ex-husband of Chris' mother, they decide to hire Joe Cooper a contract killer, who also happens to be a police detective. The plan is that the money will go to Chris' sister Dottie. However due to the size of the contract fee, Chris agrees that Joe can take Dottie as a retainer until the insurance comes through.

Me: PIcked up this little gem at the RedBox tonight.  Had to run up to CVS pharmacy to get some Ammoxicillian and cough droups for Head. She has been fighting strep throat for a solid week.  Just her luck, the flu will get her next week.

Hold on, I'm going to get to you, I just have to go through my routine.

I think you could use two funny pictures, comical animals is what the set is called...

I guess this is comical, not if your the cat.

So, I know Head has been getting quite a lot of texts like the one you sent my way. Dude, that is some hard news to hear.  I know you don't want to upset Head...so don't. Lie. She will never know,she  won't hear it from me.  Think of the most positive thing you can say, and tell her that.  At least one of you will be happy.  Price is right. Fucking free.  

'Today's better.'

'Caught myself smiling today'

'I'm starting to feel normal'.

So what if it's a lie.  It's a white lie if I've ever heard one and I've heard myself say a lot of white lies.

Here is some truth.  NO white lies for a minute or so.  There is absolutely nothing I can say to make things better for you. Nothing Head can say.  Doubt if there is anything your doctor or Sonny Jesus could say to change the way you feel.  Whether I'm here in Texas or sitting next to you on the couch. Your hurting. No telling how long. 

I mentioned that kid I work with, the one with the special needs child. Not a word or a step in three years, and he's  a beautiful child.  This guy, he just graduated with a masters, put in his time, got a chance to be lab director, all set for the new baby and BOOM... the kid's fucked.  The meds they give him are trashing his liver and he catches every fucking germ.  The medical community falls all over this kind of shit. Federal money. They have doctors who don't have a fucking clue.  They let him get meds from Canada because nothing they have has a chance of working.  He had to take a severe pay cut to qualify for all the medical care.  For the therapist and special foods and soft rubber mats for him to lay on.  His wife holds the kid all day cuz the meds keep him wired and he holds him all night.  My friend sleeps on weekends.  He has half a brain on Monday, less on Tuesday and by Friday, he is the walking dead. 

They say one way to feel better is to think of someone in worse shape, ...is it working?

I'm actually trying to make a point.  Head has him on her prayer list and he is the first person I pray for besides myself.  I also have his favorite pizza on my Papa John's account because I like to send him a pizza every now and then, like when they have a long day at the doctors.  A prayer and a pizza is better than just a prayer, am I right? He likes olive, pepperoni, and jalapeno, crispy crust.  

Okay, my point already. I'll tell you what I told him and maybe it will help.  Son, when your fucked, and you are out of options, the decisions become easier.  First, you can't fuck anything up more if you don't do anything. And no one can fault you for taking that route.  When your hurting, you don't have to do a fucking thing.  So don't.  Breath in.  Breath out.  Other people can't sit and watch a movie without feeling guilty.  You and my other friend can watch all the TV you want.  You can play solitaire for hours.  Read book after book.  You are free of all the pressure the rest of us have to put up with.  Now, he has to work and so do you.  No free rides but you don't have to be the best and brightest.  I finally go him to step down.  He is working on the bench instead of being lab director.  They couldn't cut his pay cuz he was making less than any technician.  His stresslevel has gone way way down.  Do the best you can at work.  If you have to find another place to work to do evern less, you'll find a place.  You don't need much because your concentrating on breating in, breating out.

I hope in time you can ad some constructive acts to your day.  If your day sucks, it cant suck any worse to eat oatmeal and yougert and all that other healthy food and go for walks or jogs or do fifty push ups.  Your not enjoying yourself anyway, so do something that is good for you while you suffer.  Clean your house.  That sucks but hey, you need something to do, so start wiping those baseboards.  

I dunno, I'm rambelling because I go back to my opening statement ...there is nothing I can say to help you.  Good luck figuring it out.  

I will leave you with the Tao (I find routines a great comping mechanism, I find it calms me because I don't have to make any decisions, I just follow my routine).

Chapter 45

Great perfection seems flawed
Its function is without failure
Great fullness seems empty
Its function is without exhaustion
Great straightness seems bent

Great skill seems unrefined
Great eloquence seems inarticulate
Movement overcomes cold
Stillness overcomes heat
Clear quietness is the standard of the world.

This talks about how us humans wouldn't know perfection if it poked us in the eye.  We cannot appreciate when things are working, we see failure, we don't see what's really there, we concentrate on whats not there.  The key is there at the end.  When your cold, move, you'll warm up.  When your too hot, stand still and cool down. The hard part is knowing when to move and when to stand still.

 

 

All in a day's work.