Internecine

“Smart, scathing, and verbally inventive to an astonishing degree, David J. Schow is one of the most interesting writers of his generation.”—Peter Straub

“Inter-what?” When advertising executive Conrad Maddox returns from a redeye flight and finds a mysterious locker key waiting in his rental car, he discovers a briefcase loaded with guns and money. Several hours later, his entire life tumbles down a rabbit hole when he meets Dandine, owner of the case and former contract assassin for a shadowy organization called Norco, which is now out to nail both of them.

“Internecine” means conflict, mutual destruction, and slaughter—or, as Dandine tells Conrad, they are now inadvertently at play in a field of “terrorism, counter-assassination, military coups, dirty tricks, Watergate, spy vs. spy, murky secret organizations, that sort of thing.” A world in which being innocent can’t save you, the police can’t help you, and your only hope of getting out alive is to risk unheard-of dangers against opponents with nearly unlimited power. To free themselves from the spider web of black ops, murder, madness and betrayal, Dandine and Conrad must delve ever-deeper into the spiraling, dangerous maze that is Norco, where everyone seems to be in on the most lethal of games…except you.

'Twas sixteen day  before Christmas, when at our house

Several creatures was stirring, one just bigger than a  mouse;

The morning smoke  hung from the edge of my mouth, its not very attractive 

but it goes with the hair,

Head was still nestled all snug in our bed,
While visions of a new couch dancing in her head;

Soon enough mamma put on the coffee, 

and I took a  crap,

then I got dressed and put on my cap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

She fired up the automobile in a flash,

Tore down the drive way in a mad dash.

The trees were patiently waiting for the first flakes of snow

And the dogs looked out the window. sad to see us go,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the furniture showroom,

With a squeal of the breaks my driver took flight, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment this wouldn't be quick.


More rapid than eagles the salesmen,  he came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called out his  name;

"My name is Dave. Now, this one is perfect. Its priced to sell.  It comes in three colors, my I suggest the shale!

"Have enough cash you can take away all!"

We looked and we looked all over the building. 

Eventually we found the one that we knew,

Would fit our big butts for the next year or  two.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the other shoe drop,

The problem was now that we had a place to sit,

Where would we put our feet?

Down the isle the salesman came with a bound.

he opened his little sales book;

He bundled a table, low slung and sleek, int the deal, so we would have some place to put our feet.

And he looked like a magician when he pulled our four stools.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

he closed his book and asked for some dough.

We called my parents and asked for a check. 

But this salesman was tough, he just gritted his teeth,

"Cash only, you near-dead beats!"

And the smoke stared coming from out of Head's ears;

She was thinking real hard, didn't want to loose the deal.

And then it hit her, she was so proud of herself,

she called our eldest and asked for an advance;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

He promised her the thirty percent she needed to secure the deal;

She spoke not a word, but went straight to work,

counting out all our cash to this commission sales jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

He blew snot down close to our toes;

We handed him the cash and sprang to the car, 

And away we flew ...fast and far.

We made it home safely, in for the night,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Santa and Head both gave me the stank-eye for writing this blog.